


Trees

by Sonamyluffer101



Series: Commissions [9]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Best Friends, Depression, Friendship, Metaphors, Suicidal Thoughts, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underfell Sans (Undertale), gender neutral reader, pizza bagels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 13:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20546648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonamyluffer101/pseuds/Sonamyluffer101
Summary: You're having one of those days again.You don't deserve to live.___WARNINGDo not read if you are triggered easily by mentions of suicidal thoughts or depression.





	Trees

**Author's Note:**

  * For [melodyrider](https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodyrider/gifts).

> This is a commission for [melodyrider!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodyrider/pseuds/melodyrider) I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I take commissions through my discord server or my Twitter, which are down below in the end notes <3

You knew you were unsafe.

Your mind was a constant battlefield, which was completely familiar to you. You were usually pretty good with pushing your depressed or suicidal thoughts to the back of your head, but sometimes you couldn’t. No, sometimes they would barge their way into your mind and plant themselves into your brain like a seed, and a toxic tree would sprout, leaving behind a gas that made you hate yourself, and hate your life.

That was your theory, anyways. You didn’t see any other reason for such hatred towards yourself. You never used to see all of your flaws as easily as you could now. When you were little, none of it ever mattered. Your mother told you that you were beautiful and you believed her with no questions asked. But now that you were older and had your own opinions and thoughts, along with the input from others, but knew the truth about yourself. You weren’t beautiful. You were not the right size, not attractive, not sexually appealing, not good enough, skin not perfect enough.

Nothing was good about you, and you knew that. You lived in your body with all of the flaws, but others could  _ see _ them all the time. You only saw them when you looked in your mirror, so you knew they must have all thought even worse of you.

You didn’t deserve happiness.

You didn’t deserve to live or be loved.

You didn’t deserve friends.

Why were you even alive?

...You decided you needed to call a friend. One that would keep you safe when your mind was threatening to harm you like this.

Sans.

He always kept you safe and grounded in times like these. Times where you didn’t want to let yourself walk the earth any longer. He understood you, and he could read the little signs you gave off when nobody else could. Your best friend. He actually made you feel like you might have a purpose in the world, when he actually tried to cheer you up. Most of the time you’d just lay in bed together until you felt better, which really helped. But… sometimes he really knew how to be sweet.

You picked up your phone and resisted the urge to look up how to tie a noose, and opted to call Sans instead.

“...Hey,” You said, your voice soft and almost cracking as he picked up. You didn’t even give him the chance to say something even though  _ you _ called  _ him. _

“hey. i’m playing pokemon,” He replied, making you roll your eyes. You knew papyrus would be annoyed with him. He had work today, and yet he was home playing a game. That made you feel bad for a moment, since you couldn’t have interrupted him at work… maybe you were just lucky. Maybe fate needed you two to be together today.

You knew you definitely needed him… but you doubted he needed you for any reason.

“...Can I come over?” You felt bad even asking. He didn’t need you there, he was having a good time without your stupid ass.

“course. you okay?”

…

“...No.” You had to admit it to him. You felt awful. You needed him to keep you from doing stupid shit.

You could hear the game pause from his end of the call, the cheery music dying down and the controller being set on the table. You felt guilt making him stop.

“...bad day?”

Just hearing him say it made you wanna cry.

“...M-Mhm.” You couldn’t lie. Not on the phone.

You heard him shuffling about, and you knew he was getting up to come and get you.

“i’ll come get you.”

You couldn’t express with words how relieved you were to hear that. You had this irrational fear in the back of your mind that he would say no and tell you to go fuck yourself, but of course he never would. You knew that, really. The tree was just destroying you.

You were happy it was wrong about this one.

“...Okay. I’m in my room.”

“stay still.”

He hung up, and you knew it wouldn’t take him long to get to you. He was too lazy to walk, and always used his magic to get around. You couldn’t blame him, you would honestly do the same thing if you were able to. By the time you hit the ‘end call’ button, he was already there, leaning down to pull you into a hug. You wanted to cry, but you help back your tears. You didn’t want to show weakness… it wasn’t something he needed right now, anyways.

“Heya,” You said, forcing a smile onto your face. It almost hurt you, physically. It burned and made tears sting at your eyes. Luckily, he couldn’t see them.

He began to pet you gently. It made you want to start sobbing, so fucking bad. There was something about physical affection while you were sad that just caused tears so much easier than anything else.

“Petting? That’s pretty gay.” You were always the type to hide your emotions through humor and jokes. It was almost ridiculous how easily people usually fell for it… but never Sans he always saw through you.

“shh. you’re okay.”

“I’m fine. Let’s just go to your place.”

You wanted to die. Crawl into the ground and hide away in the dirt forever. Maybe the bugs and worms could eat away at you until you were nothing but bones without a casket. You’d save a hell of a lot of money without a funeral.

“...you can pretend. that’s fine if it helps you cope,” He said, before taking a shortcut. You made sure to close your eyes. You had never had them opened during a shortcut, and you weren’t sure what would happen, but you didn’t want to find out.

You opened your eyes went everything felt normal again, and you were in his bedroom.

“I’m not pretending dummy,” You said, quickly changing the subject before he could say another word, “What were you playing?”

He didn’t push it. You were really glad. “pokemon.”

“Oooh. Nice. Let’s fight,” You said, before flopping down on the bed.

He gave you the controller and let you play on your own. You laid your head in his lap and he just watched you play… you didn’t mind. It was kind of therapeutic to just hang out and hear him use his phone and occasionally look up. It was definitely better than being on your own, because at least this way you knew you couldn’t hurt yourself. Not easily, anyways. You could always find a way, it would just… take a bit of thinking.

“...I just felt like I was going to do something terrible if there wasn’t somebody with me today,” You told him, as you waited for the screen to load. Your mind was running a thousand miles a minute, and you needed to let them out.

You handed him the second controller, and he took it no questions asked. You decided you wanted to play with him instead. It was more fun that way.

He put his phone down right away and put all of his attention right on you. It seemed like he had texted somebody, but you didn’t want to ask. He started to pet your hair. It felt nice. “i’m right here.”

“I… God, I don’t know why everything just feels so crap all of a sudden. Why am I doing anything at all? Why… Dude. Groudon. Really?” You couldn’t believe it.

“fuck off,” He said, defensively. It was almost adorable.

“You know I can just kill you with literally any water type in my party, right?” It was like he had never played the game before, or just didn’t learn anything about it along the way. You had half a mind to slap the shit out of him just for being so stupid. You didn’t want an easy opponent, and he was making it hard for this to be challenging.

He rolled his eye lights. “uh huh. keep talking.”

...You realized you had stopped mid rant. It made your cheeks turn a soft pink. You were just really passionate about Pokemon.

“You didn’t even  _ primal _ him. His  _ only _ resistance to water, and you didn’t bother. Shame.”

“uh huh.” You could tell he didn’t care about any of this, but that didn’t stop you.

“...But as I was saying, I don’t know if I can-... wait, what’s a whiscash weak to?”

“uhh that’s a water slash ground type, yeah?” 

You almost rolled your eyes when he said  _ ‘slash’ _ out loud. “Yeah.”

“i think just grass types.” Well that didn’t help you at all in this scenario. You only had water and rock… the whiscash would destroy your pokemon. 

You had to admit, talking about this kind of thing really did help you feel a bit better about everything. You felt like you had a purpose of some kind, even if it was as small as playing Pokemon with Sans in his bedroom while he skipped word for the fifth time this week.

“I don’t have any grass type.” 

“then perish,” He said, laughing as it attacked you. It took quite a bit of your health bar down. You were completely fucked, “wanna sleepover?”

...You did. You really,  _ really _ did, but… you didn’t bring your stuffed animal. Your sleeping buddy. It made you feel so much safer and happier.

“...Yes please, but I…” You took a deep breath. You had never admitted to anybody that you slept with a stuffed animal, it was  _ way _ too humiliating for you to say out loud. You couldn’t make eye contact any longer… you already felt judged, “...Don’t laugh? Please? Promise?”

“...what?” He looked very serious for a moment. It almost made you wanna laugh at how ridiculous it really was… you were almost panicking over a teddy bear. That was so fucking stupid?

You took a deep breath… why were you so fucking embarrassing? Why couldn’t you be normal with  _ anything? _ Not even sleeping. You still needed a child's  _ toy _ to feel safe.

Pathetic.

“...I-I… I need my stuffed animal. I… left it at home…” You admitted, stuttering your words as you tried not to cry in humiliation. You were way too old for this shit. You wouldn’t be surprised if he laughed in your face right then and there… but maybe you would have been. He wasn’t that type of person.

He looked pretty relieved… you weren’t sure how to take that. You didn’t know if you should be glad he wasn’t freaked out or mad, or be upset he didn’t think it was  _ that _ big of a deal. You decided it was better to pick your battles, and this one wasn’t one you cared enough about.

“...how about this.”

You watched as he shuffled away and stood up, and you felt a little upset. You wanted to keep laying in his lap, and now you couldn’t.

You blinked, and suddenly, a gaster blaster puppy appeared in front of you, looking happier than anybody else had ever been to see you. You could feel tears welling in your eyes again, only this time they were happy. So,  _ so _ happy.

“O-Oh my God! I didn’t know you could do that!” You exclaimed, before holding it close to you and petting it. You had never seen anything so adorable in your entire life… this was perfect for you. You finally felt happy again.

“i can do a lot of shit you don’t know about,” He said, scratching the back of his skull. You weren’t exactly sure how to take that… it was kind of ominous, after all. What was he capable of that you didn’t already know?

You could guess many things, but you didn’t know if any of them would be even close to real. Maybe he could time travel, or fly. You wouldn’t really be surprised by anything he ever told you, unless it was like… the power to control minds. That would be pretty cool, but also kind of terrifying. You knew him, you knew he would take advantage of a power like that. He would make everybody do whatever he wanted.

You already knew he could teleport… maybe he could be invisible.

You both continued to play the game, and you gladly got to put your head back into his lap. The gaster blaster puppy stayed cuddled up in all of the pillows and blankets that were bunched in a mess at the end of the bed, and you felt a sense of serenity through all of this. You kind of wished you brought a candle with you to make the atmosphere even nicer, but hey, this was pretty close to perfect.

In the game, you really had fun picking on Sans about his team of choice. You knew it got under his non existent skin, but not enough to make him genuinely mad at you, thankfully. You both got to have fun.

“Boo. Get a better team you whore,” You poked at him, gently smacking his rib cage a couple of times. You knew certain parts were bruised and scarred up, so you avoided those so you didn’t actually hurt him.

He rolled his eye lights and kept focusing on the game, not even bothered by you slapping him. “fuck you, bitch.”

You almost screamed when there was a sudden knock on the door, pulling you away from the game. You had been so wrapped up in it, that the noise almost gave you a heart attack. You knew it had to be Papyrus, but regardless, it was terrifying.

Like you guessed, Papyrus opened the door, a small plate in his hand as he looked between the two of you. He wasn’t surprised when he saw the position you two were in, considering you were always cuddling or touching in one way or another. He was used to it at this point, and if he didn’t see you two this way he got worried.

“...Hi Pap,” You greeted him, trying to calm yourself down.

“...I MADE PIZZA BAGELS. I WAS INFORMED IT’S A BAD DAY.”

You smiled. You really loved these two skeletons more than anything else. They always made sure you were okay after a bad day… the tree in your mind was wilting. You were starting to feel a lot better.

You might still hate yourself, but at least other people loved you.

“...Awe. Thank you,” You said, before taking the plate. He left quickly after, since he was an embarrassed tsundere, but you didn’t mind.

“...He’s emotional today, huh?” You asked Sans, once Papyrus was gone. He wasn’t usually so… dismissive. He seemed genuinely affected by how you felt today. It made you feel kinda bad.

He shrugged when you looked up at him, but he didn’t stop looking at the tv screen. “he just cares about you.”

You felt your cheeks turn pink. You were glad he cared… he wasn’t the best at showing it, but you could feel it at least. Sans popped a pizza bagel into your mouth and you curled closer to him.

“wanna watch a movie instead?” He asked, as he began to pet your hair again. It felt good… you were getting pretty sleepy after such a long day.

“Yeah. It’s boring to beat you all the time, anyways.” You stuck your tongue out at him playfully.

“shut up, you did not beat me.”

“Hehe. Stop relying on legendaries, pussy!”

You loved how mad he got about this kind of thing. It was almost adorable.

He stuck his tongue out at you, and you smiled brightly.

“fuck youuu.” He started to poke your forehead, making you snort.

You wrapped your arms around his torso and held on tightly. You needed him… you were so lucky he loved you like he did. He was the best friend you ever had. You really couldn’t ask for anything better.

“i’m putting on the bee movie.”

…

“...Ya like jaazzzz…”

He rolled his eye lights again and turned it on. You didn’t feel bad that he didn’t react… he never did when you made bee movie jokes. Lame of him, but you didn’t mind too much. He was just uncultured.

As the movie played, it felt the tree had been fertilized. You felt bad again.

All of your bad thoughts came flooding back. The movie left too much room for your thoughts to go wild.

“...I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. Being alive,” You said, no longer bothering to even watch the movie. It was exhausting. They all looked so bright and cartoony, and you felt gloomy and dark. Like a charcoal debris left behind after a campfire.

“...why?” He started petting you again. You appreciated the gesture.

“Everything takes energy. Nothing works out. I wake up and I just don’t want to move. I never feel happy,” You said, looking up at him, “...Well. Almost never.”

You felt happy around him. Just him.

“...i know you get depressed at times. i do, really. but it’s never worth losing your life. i need you around here. i love you,” He said, getting sappy. It was rare and only reserved for days like these ones.

“...I love you too. Heh. That’s pretty gay, though…”

“mhm.”

You ate another pizza bagel and stayed cuddled up to him. This was your happy place… it was safe.

“...People keep using me for their shit and expecting me to just go along with it. It isn’t fair.”

“you deserve better friends.” You had to agree with that, aside from him. You had no other friends in the first place.

“My family won’t leave me alone, either. They don’t like me… they just like what I can do for them…” You muttered, starting to fall asleep.

You couldn’t keep your eyes open, but you didn’t mind. You felt safe sleeping in Sans’s room, especially in his lap. He was the best friend you ever had. 

He made the tree die every single time.

“they don’t deserve you.”

“I just wish....” ...More people were like him.

You fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> [All my links!](linktr.ee/sonamyluffer101)


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